Dear DD...
I overheard some women the other
day discussing putting sex toys in the freezer.
I don't know why, but I am intrigued by this.
My girlfriend prefers her sex toys "warmed
up." Should I try freezing them? Will she
run off with the sex toy expert from Batteries
Not Included? Can I freeze the toy and warm
the lube?
"Quack Quack".....
When introducing new utensils into the bedroom I
suggest "The Neanderthal" approach. Sometimes
the resulting "slap fest" can raise the
level of excitement that blows the roof off the
house. There are a few concerns about frozen sex
toys you should be aware of. Tiny ice crystals on
a cold surface when introduced into a warm body
have been known to cause "Vagina Vapor Lock."
This creates a very uncomfortable condition for
your girlfriend, so keep that glass of warm water
on the nightstand. Frostbite also can be a concern
for the woman who takes a long time to climax. So
keep a close eye on that time frame. And no, your
girlfriend won't run off with the expert from Batteries
Not Included, however when she finds out I'm
the one teaching you the new and wonderful orgasmic
techniques she will want to met me.
DD..... now...go get laid
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Dear DD...
Each month as the night of the full
moon gets closer, I get these weird feelings. I
feel restless. I notice women more. Many mornings
I find my clothing has been ripped off my body.
I have strong, hunger like cravings. Sometimes I
just want to howl at the moon. My whole body seems
to change into a powerful, lusting animal!
What does this mean?
"Quack Quack"....
No need to hide from the moon dear, it seems you
have picked up a little Werewolf virus. It goes
around this time of year and usually runs its course
by the end of the month. Avoid silver bullets for
a while and you should be OK.
If things haven't cleared up by the first of the
month I suggest a little trip to the Vet for a small
procedure called neutering, that should get that
lusting animal under control and you'll wander around
outside in the yard less often.
Also, I'm sure your girlfriend would appreciate
it if you'd refrain from marking your territory
with urine while this virus is running its course.
DD...... Now sit, stay
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